Q&A: Ten for The TEN with Becky Martin

Editor turned therapist talks sense

When I launched the The TEN, as an online writers group almost a year ago, one of my aims was to evoke the spirit of magazines, hence the Q&A’s, the opinion pieces and regular features.

What I didn’t envisage was an Agony Aunt and while Becky is so much more than that, I did chuckle to myself as I sat down to edit this interview.

The idea behind today’s newsletter, which is slightly different from previous Q&A’s with authors, is to take a look at how the very act of writing can improve our mental health, as well as to remind you to take a breath during the season of goodwill and ever-growing to-do lists.

Becky is the perfect woman to talk to about all of this because she bridges both worlds. She had a glittering career in publishing before retraining as a therapist a couple of years ago, after a series of life-changing events, and is full of wisdom when it comes to de-stressing, handling anxiety and saying goodbye to the overwhelm.

As a Solution-Focused Hypnotherapist, she helps people to turns negatives into positives and I think that even the most festive of us need a little of that at this time of year.

So, my gift to you a few days before Christmas is this rather fabulous interview with a rather fabulous lady, who has gone from launching mags such as GQ Active, to working for legendary PR guru Lynne Franks, and who here explains how writing can be a powerful tool for good.

Sit down with a cuppa, a mince pie and enjoy…

Seasons greetings, Becky! Thank you for talking to The TEN at this ridiculously busy time of year. Can you tell us more about your career in publishing and beyond?

I’m 60 next year – how did that happen?! - and had been in publishing since the early 90’s as an editor and managing editor, launching mags such as GQ Active, the sports and wellness monthly glossy from Conde Nast, and teen monthly glossy, Jump, from the Weider stable (Men’s Fitness and Shape).

I’ve been a freelance writer too and interviewed a range of talent, including Robbie Williams and Jon Bon Jovi. Online, print, you name it, I’ve done it. I was an online editor for Lynne Franks (the PR guru who brought us Fashion Week and whom Jennifer Saunders allegedly modelled her Ab Fab character on ) – and yes, office fire safety regulations were frequently tossed aside as meetings included lit candles, and kaftans were worn in abundance. It was quite the experience.

When I was made redundant from the teen mag, I dipped my toe into the world of therapy by doing a basic counselling skills course but the bills had to be paid, so back to a publishing role I went.

In that case, when did you first find Solution-Focused Hypnotherapy, and how does it work?

In 2022, an old school pal kindly offered some hypnotherapy sessions for free as she knew I was going through a very hard time – my darling Mum had passed in October 2021, and then dear Dad had been constantly in and out of hospital from April 2022, just after his 90^th birthday.

I’d been spinning plates being his number one support for everything, whizzing up and down the A3 to Hampshire from Surrey twice a week, sometimes more. Any of you who have or had elderly parents with health issues may well know the stress and strain it can cause the main carer.

I was a tad cynical at first but was reassured as my friend told me that Solution-Focused Hypnotherapy is all based on neuroscience. The aim is to bring down stress levels and increase the number of positive neurotransmitters being fired off in the brain.

It was truly remarkable how it changed my focus from all the negative things that were going on around me to all the positives that were also there, if I took a moment to just look. I was given tools to deal with the anxiety and subsequent sleep issues, such as listening to my friend’s trance MP3.

The sessions showed me that trance wasn’t some kind of weird hocus pocus that would put me under a spell but rather a feeling of deep relaxation that left me feeling revived, rested and calm. In trance, my friend would take me on a beautiful visual journey and certain positive words and phrases would be used that my sub-conscious would be picking up on.

So, when did you decide to take the leap and become a therapist yourself?

Redundancy reared its unwelcome head in spring last year but I made the most of it by taking time to unwind and reset, and then did the level 2 course in counselling skills while I contemplated my future.

After I passed the course, I was at a crossroads: counselling or hypnotherapy. After much to-ing and fro-ing, I plumped for Solution-Focused Hypnotherapy (SFH). This form of clinical hypnotherapy focuses on finding effective, long term solutions to issues that lead clients to seek help.

We look to the future, rather than looking back at the past, which can come as a relief to many – if things from the past are affecting them in the present though, they can, of course, bring it up.

The training includes psychology so I’m qualified to deal with many issues such as anxiety, depression, confidence building, smoking/vaping cessation and weight management, overcoming phobias and more.

I love how this career pivot seemed to have come so naturally to you. I’m curious to dig deeper because many people find solace in writing during the tough times. I know I do. Why do you think it’s such a powerful tool for managing stress and anxiety?

If you have 101 things whirring round your brain, taking time to offload those things by committing them to paper (better than typing actually) will bring anxiety down and calm your mind. Writing down positive things that happen will affect your subconscious as well as your conscious mind.

Focusing on creative writing can quieten the noise of life. If you write about real life it can bring order to it, and writing fiction can spirit you away and give your mind a break from reality.

A creative pastime or vocation can help you flourish and bring fulfilment. If work is published there can be a feeling of achievement and positive feedback will give you a boost, releasing the happy hormones: serotonin, oxytocin, dopamine, endorphins.

Are there specific types of writing, such as journaling, gratitude lists or storytelling, that you find more effective for reducing stress?

With SFH, I ask clients to note down the positives each day and they don’t have to be big; enjoying a delicious panini and a latte or having a laugh with a friend over the phone, and the act of recognising them and writing them down, will fire off positive neurotransmitters.

In what ways do you think writing offers a safe space for expressing difficult thoughts and feelings?

It’s private so you can write down things that you might not be able to say to someone’s face, or it can help your brain work out a tricky or upsetting situation.

You might like to read it a few times and then destroy if it’s on the paper. You can choose how to destroy it too: ripping it into tiny pieces or setting light to it outside somewhere safe. Or if you prefer to type, you can delete a document.

All of these actions can be liberating and relieves the feeling of pressure or hopelessness as you are now in control, rather than the feelings/situation/person controlling you.

Can writing help reveal patterns in a person’s thoughts or behaviour that they may not be consciously aware of?

Definitely. You may see how toxic a certain relationship is for you as you write down your daily thoughts. It could reveal your need for more or less structure in your life.

You may find out how unconsciously negatively you think, maybe due to the way you were brought up or due to various life-changing events like relationship breakups.

You might see how you negatively forecast – something our primitive mind does to ensure our safety – it tries to protect you from anything bad happening so if you predict the worst outcome, then you’re ready for it. But this is no way to live your happiest possible life.

We acknowledge the difficult, painful, trying stuff in life in sessions as this isn’t about sticking two fingers in your ears and going ‘la-la-la’, but after that acknowledgment, we don’t dwell on them but move on.

If you decide to keep your notes, it can also be helpful and interesting to look back at them to see how things have changed for the better. It can help put things into perspective too.

Are there particular prompts or exercises you can recommend for someone who might find themselves overwhelmed this holiday season?

You can do a reset at any time, which is something I know my clients find very useful and pretty powerful. You can tell yourself that today is a reset day and you draw a line under everything before that day. You can start fresh, a clean slate for you to take a breath, relax and look at your goals again.

Goals can be small but important daily chores like putting clean clothes away after they’ve dried rather than leaving them in a pile or cleaning the kitchen after a meal rather than coming down to a mess the next morning.

It could be knuckling down to write the first page or the next part of that script, that book, that screenplay. Whatever it may be, if you’ve gone off-course, you can always reset.

Other than writing, what can people do this holiday season if they feel they need a break?

If you’ve been surrounded by too many visitors or have come home from being with family or friends and need to decompress, a solo stroll outside in the fresh air will release those happy hormones.

Take time to look at the details around you: maybe you like dogs and can focus in on what breeds you see, their different furry faces, their enjoyment of being out and how they show their love to their owner(s); or maybe you love trees - even the bare ones at this time of year, or the clouds could look extraordinary, or the shades of the sky could make you smile (it can be an inside smile).

Deep breathing can really help; take a deep breath through the nose, all the way in from the chest area, hold for a count of four, then release gently through the mouth like a balloon releasing all its air. Repeat until you start to feel more relaxed. You can also repeat this but breathe from lower down, from your stomach. Just enjoy the sensation of the feeling of relaxation in your chest and stomach.

You can also move around, go into the kitchen and make a soothing hot drink; just the change of room and the action of making a drink or a sandwich, can help take the focus away from feeling overwhelmed. If you have a garden or balcony, take a breather out there and find something lovely to focus on.

You can contact Becky via her website housemartin-hypnotherapy.co.uk

Or email housemartin_hypnotherapy@hotmail.com. She offers a free 15-minute phone chat if you’d like to find out more about how hypnotherapy can help to improve your life.

Visit the Ten for The TEN archive by clicking here.